Tuesday 18 August 2015


I don’t hold with the view that the internet is the work of the devil and the worst thing that was ever invented. I love it. Mrs C loves it and the kids love it.
But we’re now 25 days into our enforced internet fast.

This is why:

Me: Hello, I received an email yesterday saying all was well for the 1st August to transfer my broadband and telephone. I just wanted to check that you’ve got the right details.

Call Centre Hope Destroying Automaton (CCHDA): Oh, sorry sir we cancelled it two days ago.

Me:      …………….Wha!……but!…….why?

CCHDA: Oh, we tried to ring your home phone to confirm the new address as there’s a problem with it but we got no answer.

Me: But I called you and said I was moving on the 24th; I don’t live in that house any more and that’s where the phone is that you rang!

CCHDA: (slightly condescending) but sir, we did try to ring three times.

Me: (thinks ‘did they just say that?, have I lost my mind?) But I don’t live there any more how could I answer it?

CCHDA: Yes sir, we did ring you three times.

Me: Ok Ok (resigned, then realising) But you sent me an email 12 hours ago saying you we’re going to do it

Yes: We cancelled the installation two days ago.

Me: (A broken man) So, when can you do it?

CCHDA: Oh, we’ll have to rebook it. Probably about the 14th August.

Me: (sighs) Ok, ok, can I confirm my address it is ………………………..

CCHDA: Sorry sir we don’t have that address on the computer system.

Me: (Indignant) Just forget it, I’ll find someone else, consider this my notification of leaving you.

CCHDA: Ok sir (pleasant voice), is there anything else I can help you with?

So, that's that, there's mutiny in the ranks, we've been given a new date from a very helpful new supplier but we've lost all hope that we'll be connected back to the world. The staff at McDonalds have started to recognise me as I come for free wi fi. 

We are on the edge.

If you message me I will divulge the guilty provider, though I can confirm it rythms with 'BaulkBaulk'


  1. I just KNEW it was BaulkBaulk! :-)

  2. Ah yes, the same baulk-baulk that never seems to keep its email service up and running reliably. We suffer with them too...