Thursday 29 June 2017

Permissive Parent.

It's just not worth the fight.

Is it? Does it have to be a fight? If we dig our heels in and tighten the screw of consequences to a point of winning our argument what is actually learnt? Who's understanding of consequences is developed. Not sure.

So, do we roll over and play permissive parent? 'Do as you wish' because 'Do as I say' leads to the Raa and the shouty place, conflict, verbal abuse, dissent, threats etc.

But the bystanders, those on the edge, the teachers and professionals the family and friends. What do they think? When they see me looking for the easy route rather than standing my ground of forcing an issue. I choose my battles but as we tentatively and chaotically move into the teenage years I see that things are getting tricker. Of course there are days when lines must be drawn in the sand and all the training courses and cunning parenting plans/models/theories/techniques dissolve to nothing. They're not good days.

I've got to advocate better, oil the wheels of the agencies that are in hovering around. Explain why I'll not 'make' homework be done at the expense of our ever so delicate equilibrium, of course I'll encourage and support but 'making' can lead to a few hours or even days of raaa. We all wobble during those times.

So,  I choose permissive and I think what will this matter in a day, week or year. Of course I can rationalise it all. The inner me isn't so sure.

I'm having to retrain myself. My need to be in control and be a dad is well ingrained but I often feel like a bomb disposal expert looking at a red and blue wire. One wire leads to a nasty place and the other to relative safety. Red or blue my mind flits through all the options as I try to make the right choice and of course sometimes theres no right choice if it's hard wired to go off it is going to go off.

1 comment:

  1. An interesting analogy. I have to admit I'm dreading the teenage years a bit - "volatile" is the word that springs to mind! You're right - you just have to pick your battles. But I firmly believe that once you've picked your battle, you need to see it through and stand your ground (so choose wisely! Haha)

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