Lotty: Dad, can we adopt a baby
Me: No
Lotty: Mam, can we adopt a baby
MrsC : No
Lotty: Why?
Together: We don't want any more children.
Lotty: We could adopt this baby like you adopted me (points to a friends foster baby).
The conversation went on and as it developed it transformed from lighthearted banter into something more serious. It became a a conversation about Lotty's life and her story. Words that meant one thing a year ago mean something different now, as she grows from little girl to big girl her understanding of her narrative develops. Like the onion the layers peal back and we get closer to the heart of stuff.
Words like 'safe' mean something more when you understand more about danger, words like 'danger' mean something more when you see them set within her developing understanding of the world she inhabits.
It got a bit fraught.................
I don't feel insecure, embarrassed or threatened. Just sad that I have to have such crappy conversations about stuff that 10 year old girls should care less about.
So of course she felt a bit fraught and it got a bit fraught..........................and why the hell shouldn't it.
.jpeg)
Just had a conversation about stuff like that with a friend who told me something funny a child said to her and said to I guess you hear children say stuff like that all the time. Unfortunately not, most of the time I hear children talking about stuff I wish they knew nothing about, it isn't funny and it is difficult and we never know when it is going to happen. Don't be too hard on yourself. Keeping up with a child's narrative is a tough gig.
ReplyDeleteIt's a peculiar thing, trying to second guess where there there internal narrative is at. MrsC has a second sense for all this. Some of the stuff we have to talk about seems just unfair and utter pants. Thank you for commenting.
Delete"Words like 'safe' mean something more when you understand more about danger"
ReplyDeleteAnd this right here is the crux of the matter for us, because our Little Miss and Mister Man know a lot about danger from their birth families and yet they do not truly understand what it means when we say that we are here to keep them safe.
They have had more horrible experiences in their young lives than I could probably truly understand but it's still probably going to be a few more years before I can speak to them about it properly.
You're right and it cuts to the heart of the issue for many children and that they have no intellectual of emotional knowledge of safe. We've a job to do!
DeleteI am sad I have to have crappy conversations. I am sad that he asks me questions that none of his friends would give a hoot about. I am sad that I have to think carefully in a split second about how best to respond and give my boy only the answer he needs rather than an answer that is going to bring out the questions that I know he's not old enough yet to understand. Sad and exhausting.
ReplyDeleteYou raise an interesting point as we've always tired to not fill in all the gaps. There are some questions that have no answers that are palatable or answerable. Holding them safe in the tension and as they explore the narrative is a real trick. Thank you for commenting.
Delete