As I lay in bed I think of some of my children who have limited capacity to feel safe. No amount of reassurance dents the anxiety and tension that sits on them.
Like a crease in a piece of paper, it can't be undone. I can flatten it, smooth it out by hand, crease the opposite way to limit the effect or try to iron it out.
The crease remains, the structure of the paper is permanently altered.
Tensions hover round the house and all issues feed like a giant hopper into that lack of perceived safety, that I or Mrs C can't keep them safe. Ripping control off untrusted adults to keep themselves safe resulting in conflict and Raaagh. Letting the Raaaagh take over and feeling safe in the power that it brings the power to hurt by word or deed. Pumped on the adrenaline that the lack of safety can bring crazy behaviour sometimes follows.
The feelings are denied and we gently investigate, 'has someone upset you?', 'did something happen at school?', 'are you worried about something?'.
Usually the truth has out but it takes time, hours, days or weeks.
The paper is still paper, it still has value and use but the creases remain.