Friday 17 March 2017

Beware ye the comments section

It's been a funny, but busy old week, pondering all the perspectives that I've encountered.

Recently I've written a few things that have reached a little beyond my usual spheres and like a man with bombproof self confidence I ventured into the comments section of the articles. Wise or not so wise, I'm not sure but if you put your head above the parapet then you need to be prepared to duck or at least defend yourself.

It wasn't the usual agreeable remarks that I get here but all bar one were ok and fairly reasonable, measured and thoughtful. It was a great reminder that there are people who think differently, who's experience and perspectives are just as valid as mine but still pretty different.

The experience does make me question what I think, I know that I do not have the monopoly on the truth. I've always believed that my position and perspectives are not monoliths that cannot be altered and asking questions and opening myself to contrary views stress tests what I believe and think.

I thought  about narratives in adoption earlier in the week, how do we  question, influence then and take control of them. There seems to be few places to do that. The comments section of blogs or articles are not the best place for that but there are very few places that we can have these conversations. Also, for every person that comments their are many more that don't want to drawn into conversations there or are are even aware that those conversations are happening.

To leave these conversations and debates solely to academics and politicians seems ridiculous, they have valid perspective but often it's not their lives that are directly impacted. Adoption strikes at the very heart of many of our families in a positive way, but there are an equal number of families that have had it strike with equal potency in a negative way to the heart of their families. Two very different views and for the sake of our children and future children we need listen to each other. But that may not be easy or nice. Even considering that may upset some.

I've no answers really, just questions and I'm just keen that we keep opening ourselves to other views and voices. That we ensure that we don't listen to just the loud and prominent but we also listen to the quiet and hidden voices. I'm pretty sure I've said this before but it returns and bears repeating.

You can read the comments here


  1. Wow. Some people are really crazy!

    1. I really don't know haw to answer that ;-)
      Adoption culture and practice in different countries has slashed through people's and families rights and communities. I think I'd be livid.

  2. Wow, that was a big step, publishing in a broader readership. Thanks for raising your head above the parapet. It was an interesting discussion. I fostered a child who was then placed with a family in Australia. Through this I became aware of the history of forced adoptions of thousands of aboriginal children and the impact this has on attitudes to adoption in Australia now. But I also worried that this child not being legally adopted, would not share legal rights of her siblings, for example if her parents needed care in later life. Now an adoptive parent, I have wondered if modern adoption asks a lot of traumatised children. Ours needed a family, but it felt like a big ask for them to give up absolutely everything to live with us, and to be told to call strangers mummy and daddy. And having been a guardian, birth family ties were important, but the children we cared for still lived with trauma but were unable to access help, as having family was seen as enough. So I can a bit of all sides here.[hushabyemountain -can't get the linky thing to work]