Friday, 21 November 2014

Today

I enjoying writing my blog, playing with thoughts and stories, turning them into little windows into our life. I enjoy the opportunity to reflect on the ebb and flow of our daily family life and some of the broader issues that impact on adoption.

Today I feel the need to write, but I've nothing to say, not because there's a lack of things to tell more that I'm struggling to bring a little light. I try to write with hope and humour to side step the 'other stuff' but today there seems to be more of the 'other stuff'.

Nothing out of our ordinary has happened; trips to school to talk to staff; unending negotiations/fights about 'screen time'; hyper stress and anxiety over what to wear to school on children in need day, near psychotic sibling rivalry and a bit of violence.

But today I'm struggling to see where the future lies. This week I confessed to a friend that my greatest ambition for one of my children was that she'd still be living with me by the time she's 16.

In another life she'd be the head girl, she's bright, athletic and focused. But were not living that life and in this life she's all those things but terrified and frequently dysregulated as well. My hopes are a set lower.

Today my head hangs low, my heart is heavy and I ask Mrs C 'is it all going to be ok?'.

She says 'Yes' and I'm choosing to believe her.

'Hope that is seen is no hope at all'




Maybe tomorrow the tables will turn, she'll be asking and I'll be answering.

We've been in darker spots, days when we both asked and there was nobody to answer.

That's what I've got to say today.











14 comments:

  1. Sounds a bit shit. I had a hanging onto hope moment when eldest went a bit bizarre on me and started making no sense at all. Lo and behold she was back to (her version of) normal within a day. That unnerved me even more.

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    1. I was doing ok.
      Sometimes little things knock me for six then I'm on the ropes for a bit.
      Thanks for the comment.

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  2. I'm glad you wrote. These things need saying too.

    There is a hope that is set before you and it is steadfast and sure, an anchor for your soul. If Paula can see it today, let her take you to it. If you can see it, take her. If neither of you can see it, hold out your hands together and just feel around in the dark until you brush against something you can hold fast to.

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    1. You've a way with words. Many thanks.

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  3. Sending solidarity mr smit...standing with u snd mrs C k r c r r s .... Z CC H M xxx

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  4. Wonderful words from Suddenly Mummy.

    "If we believe tomorrow will be better, we can bear a hardship today" - ancient Vietnamese saying. Keep believing.

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  5. I think that in a nutshell, the fact that you know this, that you aren't in denial, is what makes you a great Dad. Hang in there!

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  6. Very kind of you to say, other opinions of my parenting prowess are available!

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  7. On the days when I've felt like this I've learnt to hold on to the thought that tomorrow things may be different and to take care of myself in those moments.It's ok and normal to have doubts often I find some of my best resolutions or ideas have been created from those darker times. Hang on in there. x
    Thanks for sharing #WASO

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    1. Thanks for your encouragement. I have to say even just posting it has brought a fresh perspective as I've had so much positive feedback.

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  8. She will be there I am sure.

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    1. I'm sure she will.
      Thank you for the comment.

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