After I've been called this and that, roughed up a bit in heart, soul and body my inner 7 year old can surface. My internal monologue is peppered with thoughts unrepeatable I find myself busying myself around the house chuntering like Muttley from the Wacky Races.
Flossy calms and an uneasy and delicate peace is restored, usually assisted by Mrs C.
Bedtime comes and I tuck Lotty up in bed and Mrs C tucks Flossy up and we normally cross over the landing and say our goodnights. But more frequently Flossy's door is shut and the light is off. Be this shame or residual anger and resentment the message is clear 'Dad, you are not welcome'.
It's five steps to the top of the stairs, then down to a few hours calm.
Five step that take me past Flossy's door. The temptation is to keep going, to put another storm behind me.
Five steps where I make choices and decisions, where I banish the 7 year old me and shake the grown up back to life.
I'm not always welcome but I know that it matters that I'm constant and there is always a way back.
I don't always feel the love, given or taken.
But I knock, go in and say 'I love you, we'll have a better day tommorow'
'I love you, we'll have a better day tommorow' That speaks to my soul...
ReplyDeleteThat's very kind of you to say.
DeleteLove this post! Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogposts
ReplyDeleteTa.
Deletelovely post...
ReplyDeleteThank you for commenting I aim for lovely.
DeleteI don't know how many steps it takes me but I get it.
ReplyDeleteI usually read to both girls at bedtime, all curled up in our bed. Last night youngest ruined well and truly ruined the whole thing. My inner 15 year old closed the book, feeling justified, saying "this is no fun, let's not bother." I sent both girls off to bed, allbeit calmly.
I decided that eldest shouldn't lose out so I read her a short story as I tucked her up in her own bed. I then crossed the landing to youngest's room, still not sure of what I was going to do when I got in there.
Somehow my outer 42 year old managed to beat my inner 15 year old into submission. I kissed her, said goodnight and read her a little story too.
I haven't always been so mature about these things, no matter how much I understand it all.
Thanks for sharing.
2outof3
You've warmed the cockles of my heart with your story. I have a feeling this is being played out across the land.
DeleteOh my gosh yes! Absolutely. I could have used this post yesterday morning :-) And we did have a better day tomorrow (which was today)
ReplyDeleteReading your comment today, Sunday, I'm a little bamboozled as to what day we're at. However, it warms my heart that you had a better day.
Delete:-):-):-):-):-)!!!!!!!!
ReplyDelete;-]
DeleteBeautiful and I'm sure the same in many of our homes. The I love you or good night that you have to dig deep to find. Thanks for Sharing on #WASO
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment and thanks for letting me share.
ReplyDeleteWe have had a rotten day today. This made me cry. Better days coming I hope.
ReplyDeleteWithout hope we have nothing.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing this post. At the moment making those few 'steps' at bedtime are challenging and sometimes it has felt too hard and has not always been the best decision but I always try to make sure that they know that 'tomorrow is another day' and maybe it will be just that little bit easier for them.
ReplyDeleteI hope that my post doesn't deceive people. I've not always been as gracious as I could or should have been but as you say for their sake I've got to try.
ReplyDeleteThank you for commenting.