Saturday, 17 March 2018

Return.

'Tell me the story of how I came' Peanut asks.

It was the same every night for weeks, as the day drew on she asked if we could talk about it at bedtime. We'd lay on the bed together and she'd ask questions and I'd answer them, sometimes I'd start the story and that prompted questions. I'd talk about the day we heard about her, the day we met, the little things and the big things. She would ask silly questions and serious questions all of them colouring in this picture to the finest of detail. New questions that reveal an inquisitive mind.



I recall writing a post about pealing layers of my children's stories, returning to them with developed knowledge as children grow and understand more. This feels different. We've had a hard few months, you know adult children bother. Not the usual Raaaaa, different sadness and loss. Of course we're discrete and Peanut is aware of some of that, still, there's been a sadness over the house.

Perhaps it's coincidence or a phase that Peanut returns to the story night after night. I'm no psychologist or adoption whisperer and between me and the GoodMrsC it's me who usually reads nothing into behaviour other than kids just doing stuff. I'd be lying if I said we'd never fallen out over that staple of adoptive couple's discussions. But Peanut seems to find safety and comfort in her story, it places her dead centre in the family and we're certainly an unconventional family. We're like a single teapot made out of the glued together pieces of four broken different shaped teapots. Its non conventional but it works.

The story seemed to have the same effect as songs I return to, familiar, well worn, personal and cement me in a time and place. I go to different songs for different reasons, comforting, reassuring, celebratory. They don't get old or worn.

So, we kept going, telling and retelling. We talked each night, sometimes I rationed the question 'just two tonight' or sometimes the cynical me suspected it was a ruse to get a few more minutes. I would cut it short, I'm good at getting it wrong and it's hard to remain all Dan Hughes-├╝ber-parent - bleedin'-tastic when the same questions come again and again. Peanut wanted to know so we continued and dug out specific information and mementos when needed and like they came the questions just stopped, for now.







2 comments:

  1. I think it's good to talk about the kids' origins and what their earliest memories are, it keeps feelings all up top and not buried beneath. Sounds like you're doing a great job Al and I'm glad it's not just us that seem to struggle a bit with the repetition. Jamie x (daddyanddad.co.uk)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's an intriguing issue that we've never had with our older children. We've always talked about their stories but she's the first one to focus so intently on it for such a protracted period of time. As always, thanks for the comment!

      Delete