I took a little time and space.
I've been laying in my floatation chamber listening to my well worn 'Now that's what I call Whale Song 23' CD and pondering my inside world. As a young man I could navel gaze with olympic levels of self pity and on several occasions cave rescue teams were sent in after me. But this was not that.
My inside world is my primary safe place.
So when it starts to feel a little cluttered, messy and fizzy it's time to pause.
When self doubt, uncertainty and anxiety press in it's time to draw back.
So, I do the stuff that has to be done; work, home, normal, routines and leave the other for later.
A planned respite of the mind and heart.
'Hurt children hurt' is true.
'Parents who care for hurt children get hurt' is our truth.
Home is not a safe place for my children, it is the landscape and context for some of the worst moments of their lives. For us it is not a safe haven, at least when the children are awake.
So my inside world is where I keep safe, I reflect and consider. At the end of a hard winter with much going on I can feel myself fraying.
I took a few days to think and consider, to read a book, meet some friends and to de clutter my inside world. Re frame issues, shuffle priorities and throw some junk into skips marked 'misguided sense of duty'. Allowing a clarity, simplicity and peace creep back.
A planned return to the fray has been somewhat hijacked by 48 hours of well aimed and relentless person specific insults. Venom being spat hour after hour.
My timing was good.
It's only when my inside world is steady can I appropriately manage the tribulations of the outside world.