I have to say there have been some dark days at Coates Towers where duty and commitment have carried love through what seemed impossible circumstances and unmanageable behaviour. Faces were set as flint, loins were girded, upper lips were stiffened and we pushed through.
I know that I am not the man I was before these days and the difficult times have taken their toll. I’ve learnt to guard my heart, my hopes and expectations lowered in the face of an altered reality of parenting.
But then the other day something happened.
I was sitting in our kitchen and Flossy stopped as she walked past me.
She looked at me, leant towards me, cupped my face with her hands and kissed me on the nose.
She beamed a smile at me and ran off.
A manifestation of her happiness.
A happiness that overflowed into an expression of love and affection.
Now if you have followed my blog for a while you’ll appreciate that this is not a normal manifestation of her IWM (Internal WorkingModel). I refer you to the Kung foo incident as a more usual manifestation.
With every passing day the memory of this kiss refuses to fade and if anything my appreciation of it grows.
It is perhaps a glimmer of what could and may be.
A picture of her happiness and contentment.
To misquote John Wesley, I feel a strange warming of my heart.
I know that one swallow does not make a spring and who knows what the future holds.
But for today I’ll take a kiss off my daughter and a glimmer of hope that it might all be ok in the end.