tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post1971580503817243662..comments2024-02-23T06:52:46.801+00:00Comments on Al Coates - Adoption:Fostering:Social Work: The Rise of the Adopters Al Coateshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-81784194478322340082016-02-08T18:43:33.158+00:002016-02-08T18:43:33.158+00:00Of course, when you ask the questions you have to ...Of course, when you ask the questions you have to be prepared for all manner of answers and often we cannot give them what they want.Al Coateshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-75882846687511712232016-02-08T10:49:00.984+00:002016-02-08T10:49:00.984+00:00Very interesting - great blog, interesting too how...Very interesting - great blog, interesting too how often money comes up in the comments! Another difficulty to throw in without answers sometime when you listen to the children and they are articulate what they say is I want to be with my Birth Parents' and sometimes that is just not possible, or even the best or right, then it seems you have not heard them. Adrians Blogghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09379068844780707206noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-86502661411642188472016-01-18T19:50:06.507+00:002016-01-18T19:50:06.507+00:00Thank you, when I was a student SW I was afforded ...Thank you, when I was a student SW I was afforded the time to get to know the children that I was allocated. I realised that once qualified I'd never be given the time to get to know them and play with them only in exceptional circumstances. Al Coateshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-28255924956914307622016-01-18T19:47:47.469+00:002016-01-18T19:47:47.469+00:00Thank you for being so honest and it wasn't ga...Thank you for being so honest and it wasn't garbled or a mess so don't worry. I think that we find ourselves in this odd place were we have make sense of what our children are saying and filter in all the nuances and layers that have been thrown over them. For professionals who don't know them that well it's almost impossible to navigate through all of that in a 5 minute chat. It sounds like you're on top of it though. Al Coateshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-54284085167382502042016-01-18T19:43:50.389+00:002016-01-18T19:43:50.389+00:00Hi, I wish I could answer that. Systems and proced...Hi, I wish I could answer that. Systems and procedures do facilitate discussion with children but I fear it is low on the priority list.<br />Thank you for commenting.Al Coateshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-62652406063433436992016-01-18T13:10:04.334+00:002016-01-18T13:10:04.334+00:00There are so many changes that could be made. When...There are so many changes that could be made. When I worked in social care so much came down to money. it was heart breaking to be the ones asking a child what they wanted to happen, what their views and feelings were only to be told time and time again "there's no funding for that". Even something like saying they would like to see us more came down to not enough funding for workers Therefore case loads being too high to grant that. Not sure what the answer is but I do feel the emphasis is still on ticking boxes rather than real action and supporting people in a real life way. Vey though provoking postAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03881582005678782142noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-35683901705346893272016-01-18T12:36:49.678+00:002016-01-18T12:36:49.678+00:00Thanks for this. It's a tough one, and so dif...Thanks for this. It's a tough one, and so difficult to achieve. Our son finds it impossible to verbalise any feelings or views, it all tumbles out as noise and pain. We have to be emotional detectives listening, empathsizing, mirroring, playing. Our daughter often tells us her views, sometimes whispered, written on a hand or scrap of paper, or shouted out. Often tough messages, that are hard to hear. One thing is clear, is their trust in us to act on their views and needs. It's a big responsibility, and involves much soul searching. What makes it hard, is the mistrust we encounter with professionals, that a child's view does not count unless they have told the professional directly in private. Our children find this hard, they ask why is a stranger asking me mummy? Why can't you tell them mummy, you are my mum and there to help me, these people are scary. Add in attachment difficulties to this, our children's fear of upsetting adults, mistrust of them, but need to be liked by them, and we have a break down in communication. We try and explain this to the professional involved, but there is the sigh and the professional pause, before uttering 'what about the voice of the child....' as if this is something that can't be argued with. And so for us, it feels that a narrow definition of the 'voice of our adopted children' is stifling that voice, unless there can be better training, understanding and trust to develop mediums for the voice of the adopted child to be heard and listened too in whatever way helps them most to express it. At the same time, we try to help our children develop skills and forms of expression so they can communicate their feelings, and feel safe doing that without me, but in the meantime, we need a bridge. What makes it all so hard, is underpinning all of this, is that our children never had a chance to say what they wanted from adoption. It's a mess really, hence my muddle comment on the blog. But, yes I will keep shouting louder... (PS this is from https://hushabyemountainblog.wordpress.com but couldn't get the commenting widget to log me in as this!)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-51577580290742380342016-01-17T09:33:46.823+00:002016-01-17T09:33:46.823+00:00I went into foster care many (40+) years ago. Nobo...I went into foster care many (40+) years ago. Nobody asked me anything or told me anything (except for some lies about how long it was going to last) Why are people still getting it wrong?<br />James Thompsonhttp://oldtimefostering.blogspot.co.uk/2016/01/a-former-foster-child-asks-am-i-doomed.htmlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-63576701799781496442016-01-16T17:55:54.637+00:002016-01-16T17:55:54.637+00:00Our children's views are challenging. We strug...Our children's views are challenging. We struggle with the forthright nature of some of them, usually shared in heated moments, and the utter compliance of others. I'm not sure what goes on in their hearts and heads at times. Al Coateshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04364194762953045888noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3096204059985406542.post-63056930436396187152016-01-15T22:08:07.525+00:002016-01-15T22:08:07.525+00:00You are right. Every time I speak at a consortium ...You are right. Every time I speak at a consortium Stage 2 prep course (once every 6 weeks) I ask my 16 yr old traumatised adopted teen ewhat message he would like me to give. I give them his message - it is often not nice and doesn't speak the language of `thanks for rescuing me' .Mrs Jellieshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04511728092262465912noreply@blogger.com