Social Work and Adoption Pt:1

I’ve always felt that social work is like housework, when it’s being done well and someone’s on top of it you don’t really see it, when it’s less than adequate and not kept on top of it quickly becomes apparent.

An over simplistic metaphor perhaps but I’ve had 19 social workers enter into our lives and carry out work during the last 19 years. I feel I can speak with authority on what is good, what is less so and what are the impacts on my family and children. 

On the whole we've had very good experiences of social workers.  It's been suggested that I don't like social workers, it's not true. I've had social workers go to bat for me in some of the most challenging circumstances possible and I owe them my family. We've also had less than ideal and, in an air of honesty, some pretty shocking experiences. The overwhelming majority has been good,  I've wept with social workers who cast aside stuffy professionalism and wept too. They were human, reachable, bothered and caring. I do like social workers.

This post is about adoption and social work but I won't attempt to synthesis the experience and voice of all adopters into one post so I'll just speak for me.

My experience of interacting with social workers has been one of constant transition. As I've moved from interested to prospective to applicant to approved to placed to post order to struggling my relationship with social workers has altered. It went from a very cordial and warm interaction where with hindsight I see that I was a commodity to a being a 'service user', a term that I personally dislike. I dislike for a whole host of reasons, when I hear it I want to shout;

'I'm a man, not a number', at the top of my voice while shaking my fist at the sky.

Anyway, I'm off point,  I think that adopters can present as a unique challenge, without drawing on stereotypes we're predominantly well educated, white, empowered and able, we're in control of our lives. We're willing participants in the adoption process so we give control to social workers, the gate keepers,  as a trade off for the promise of children. We tolerate the process, and if that process goes wrong we speak to our MPs, engage the complaints procedure and the ombudsman, we know what to do and of course we can always walk away. However, I do think that some adopters can be uniquely vulnerable in their focus to adopt. Perhaps thats not wholly true but I'm aware that this drive can blind  to the challenges or realities, did it for me? I think it did in the first instance if I'm being honest.

I'm trying to keep on track, so then there's a shift in that relationship with our social worker again, we get approved and sooner or later we get what we asked for, usually, children.

A whole new challenge befalls us, for a good percentage this fine and manageable but judging by the anticipated 10,0000 applications to the adoption support fund this year challenges manifest. By adopting some of us have placed ourselves in a position that we are not used to and we're no longer willing participants in the world of social care and social workers. We need help, access to services, assessments and support. We may have great relationships with our social workers, or less so, but we have no choice and that is the kicker. Our autonomy and control are taken and we are reliant on a professional perhaps in a way that we've never been before. It's a unique and scary position to be in. The power dynamic shift and in another world at a different time we'd feel able and empowered to complain and stand up for what is right or wrong we now may or may not feel able to. That perhaps in complaining we will jeopardise the support that we'll receive. Now that's a tricky position to be in it's a little scary.

Also,  for a significant number of families there's a dawning reality that our lives will be like open books long after the adoption order. We'll be telling and retelling our stories, struggles and challenges to professionals for the years to come. That is in of itself a challenge. How do organisations hold the knowledge of our stories beyond dry case notes, how is that passed between social workers. Gaps in case notes can be critical. Adopters need to be prepared to accept the reality of this new life, adoption social workers need to consider how to build long term enduring and positive relationships with families. The adoption model is based the model of fixing problems and moving on, perhaps they need to learn something from children's disability teams of ongoing partnership and open doors. Some of my children have now had social care involvement for over a decade, in reality that's my involvement. It's altered our world view, our politics, our engagement with national policy development. I'm not the 26 year old draughtsman who sat and spoke politely to a social worker who came to chat to us about adoption and what that really means and if we'd be interested. I don't buy special biscuits for social workers now, they get offered whatever biscuits I can find after the kids have pillaged the budget family pack I was hiding.

All of that feels like a preamble, undeveloped and bitty so I apologise. Lets call it Part 1.