Thursday, 31 August 2017

Safe House

I've been struggling to recharge, over the summer I'd taken a few weeks off but it was more an exercise in managing the summer holidays than taking a break. I felt my light was fading and no matter what I did I couldn't seem to re ignite it. I read some books and listened to some stuff and that was great but I couldn't seem so shake this lack of something.

It's a long time since I've been to a support group. I feel I inhabit a murky nether world between adopter and social worker. Adopters are careful what they say around me because I'm a social worker and increasingly social workers are careful as I'm an adopter/blogger/shouter. The last support group I went to was wonderful but I was conscious that I was a novelty and it slowly slipped into a question and answer session.  If you know our journey it's pretty extreme and it's a brave adopter that takes me on in a game of 'challenging behaviour/tricky adoption process' Top Trumps.

It's nothing to be proud of and I'm nothing special, I'm just walking the path in front of me.

The group became about what I thought and what I knew and that was not what I wanted or what was right.

So, I don't go to support groups, I've found a way of getting the dirty water off my chest through blogging and campaigning. However, its not the same as a chat. I meet and have lots of communication with adopters but it's often one way, that's my choice. No body wants to hear about my crap.

Then I had some friends over, friends who care for the children that sit squarely in the challenging camp. All our slightly wobbly kids had a hoot and while we weren't paying attention played 'why were you adopted' Top Trumps, ate too much cake and ran themselves silly. We all kind of turned a blind eye knowing that this was a safe place, adoptees only. Grown ups and children who 'get it'.

All the grown ups sat in my kitchen and we laughed and laughed. We laughed at the things we'd said and the things that had been said to us. We laughed at each others stories and shared our worries and concerns.

The topics were dark but the company was safe.

We laughed at this and we laughed at each other, made fun of each other and didn't take each other that seriously. It was great.

We gave no advice and took loads.

I felt my light glow a little stronger, it's good to have friends.


  1. That sounds awesomely therapeutic. I'm an adoptee and adoptive parent and it can be dicey when navigating between those two world.

    Melissa |

    1. Dancing between the expectations and views of others can be exhausting. Often with them misinterpreting or dismissing views and opinions. I don't envy your position. Thanks for commenting.