Thursday 6 July 2017

Epic Fail - Fawlty Dad Strikes Back

I've a flair for self righteous indignation. With that in mind I took a grip of myself and thought through the facts. In reality adoptees are a tiny minority of the school population and it's ridiculous to expect teachers to have a nuanced and detailed understanding of the adoption process let alone the issues that they often grapple with in relation to identity. I was using these kind of thoughts to dampen the crusade that I'd put myself on. After all, I am blogger of the year, I am an adoption 'champion'*, I am a member of the of the DfE Expert Advisory Group on Adoption Support. On and on my thoughts rambled.

It had all started this week when Peanut had brandished a piece of homework from the bottom of her bag. With a wry smile I looked at the 'all about me' booklet with questions about birth weight, first word and first steps. Classic error I thought, this is 'Blogging gold'! 

To be honest I'm not even slightly cross and Peanut could care less. She lives in a family where five of six children have such gaps, so actually knowing this stuff seems totally irrelevant to her. Never the less I feel duty bound, in line with my standing, to show the teacher the error of her ways for future adoptees. Like I said self righteous indignation.

I dig deep and seek out my social work intervention skill, I'll be sensitive and not embarrass the poor teacher, as I said why should she know this stuff. I approach the teacher in the morning as I drop Peanut off. 


'Oh hi, just a quick word' I say using my best social worker voice as Peanut runs into class. 

'She's been asked to do this homework, and well you do know that she's adopted and we don't have any of the information that.......................' I trail off, derailed by the expression on the teachers face. 

It's a look of pity, not for Peanut, but for me a man who has dug a trap for someone then fallen into it as he admired it.

'Oh Mr Coates, we gave her that to do in September, it was all sorted out, last September'

I realise what this means. This means that I've not found this for three terms. THREE TERMS! It's sat in her bag for threeeeeeeee terms for heavens sake!
The normal physics of time and space do not apply to the bottom of children's school bags and I'm sure I've looked a hundred times but I've just shown myself to be an incompetent arse.  

Time stands still.

I consider the options to get out of this: 
Fake faint, push through and keep lecturing her or mutter something intelligible and run away. 

Fawlty Dad strikes back and I opt for the latter. I get to the car and gently place my head on the steering wheel. 

I told MrsC, she's still laughing.





*I'm no Champion it's what @GayAdoptionDad calls me to wind me up

11 comments:

  1. Brilliant...made me smile..as you say the school bag is an abyss only fathable by said child and as they don't venture far down most letters home etc remain a myth

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  2. Made me smile..as you say the school bag is an abyss to which only said hold has access.They choose to pour scorn on parents who lack a sixth sense ,or haven't even seen the crumpled newsletter or sponsor form (constant) and so we feel failures.agree with your entirely ref the constant badgering for the info an adoptee simply didn't have...my own life same..I just prayed when I said no history of nasties that it was true...lol

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    1. It all seems to be so complicated. Yet, we keep on keeping on as they pour scorn and shame on us. Thank you for commenting.

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  3. I am with Mrs C I am afraid... :) That said I did something similar recently, it wasn't 3 terms, but still quite embarrassing...

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    1. It's like a cruel game that regardless how organised and prepared we are we are destined to fail!

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  4. I laughed so hard at the he sharp left turn that conversation took!!! #BlogCrush

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    1. It warms my heart to know that my misery has cheered you!

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  5. Adoptees dont wear shirts that proclaim to the world I m adopted give me special treatment. Adoptees are not fragile in fact they have superior inner strength. There will always be triggers form the uninformed and adoptees have to create the strength and insight to deal with them. Validation of adoptions inherent traumas and their manifestations are crucial but acting as if an adoptee is weak and fragile will only increase that sense of vulnerability and shame.

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    1. Hi, thank you for commenting and sharing your views. I would have to add that like any groups of people we cannot attribute any characteristic to them as a whole. In the UK the vast majority are adopted from care and often for reasons of neglect, abuse and a lack of safety. Consequently, many live with the impacts of those events and that can manifest in many ways including vulnerability, mental ill health and fragility. Of course they don't have the monopoly on vulnerability but if we can offer them support then we should if they want or need it.

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  6. Haha this made me chuckle (but only because of you hilarious honesty and the fact that I can imagine myself doing something similar!) It is very true that laws of time do not apply to a child's bag - we are forever finding junk in the bottom that has been hiding there, unnoticed for weeks!

    Also, congratulations because someone loved this post so much, they added it to the #blogcrush linky! Feel free to collect your "I've been featured" blog badge! #blogcrush

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    1. I feel quite excited to have been added to your #blogcrush linky.
      Thanks for commenting!

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