Another layer of the story needs to be revealed, same information, same story just a little more depth a little more context and a little more grit.
Like this post, I've been here before, same phrases, same analogy, same story, just deeper. We took a deep breath and talked, actually I took the deep breadth. For her it was nothing new just a progression. Bigger words, a more nuanced conversation leaving behind the simple euphemisms.
Her questions were new and they revealed a new understanding, the little girl fading and the teenager coming into focus.
We always said no revelations, no surprises, no shocks. I've had a lot of conversations, with a lot of children, we've never shied away from the truth but opened the door to it before it broke in.
A few years back when the eldest read her file she sobbed, not because of any revelation it was just seeing her story in black and white on paper, tangible, true. I dread to think what would have happened that day if we'd hid the truth.
Today went well, as well as these things can.
The next day I sat with Peanut and we laughed about the funny names she had for us the day she moved in, and we start the process again.
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So glad I've read this. We're starting to think about how these conversations will go in our house.
ReplyDeleteIt's a tricky one, it can be more challenging for us than our children, it creeps into our insecurities and vulnerabilities. We've only had positive experiences, we are very open though.
DeleteThank you for commenting.
Yes - I know this one - suddenyl as they get older the '**** loved you but couldn't take care of you' line in the book suddenly doesn't seem to hold - there must be another way of explaining this - we are starting to look at the process of addiction and how it can take over your life - thats something not addressed on the adoption courses - then we have the question, 'was I addicted too?' - gosh this is turning into a separate blog post! :>
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