Friday 17 October 2014

Empathy

Having experienced a wide range of professional support over the years our experience has been to say the least, mixed. 

From the worse than useless at one end with professionals suggesting that extreme behaviour was a result of our anxiety and it may help if we relaxed a little. We left such encounters worse than when we arrived, our perspectives, views and emotions undermined and questioned. 

At the other end of this spectrum we've come away from meetings with no answers, strategies or helpful insights. But we've been touched by the empathy that we've been shown. We've felt supported, validated and encouraged that how we feel and what we think is right and that we're not alone. 

Em-pa-thy
Noun
1. The action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.

You can't learn it in book or classroom. 

With this in mind I'm looking forward to The Open Nest conference 'Taking Care'.  
Sharing stories of the highs and lows of the adoption journey with Type C's, those who get it. 
We don't need to give long winded explanations or lessons on child development and the impact of loss, separation and trauma needed as caveats to anecdotes or stories. 

I'm sure we'll share horror stories if stupid comments, bad behaviour and 'interesting' Social Workers. More that this we'll share the joys of adoption orders, matching and breakthroughs and moments with our children. 


I'm pretty sure that nobody will ask me if I've got any children of my own. 








18 comments:

  1. Have a totally fab time mr Smit! Down to earth building!!!

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  2. When I read the meaning of the word a few times, I realise that there really are only a handful of people that have shown me empathy - not family, not friends, not professionals but those who I will meet this weekend (and those who want to but can't be there). I look forward to meeting you.

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    1. Thanks for the comment. I wish we'd had more time to chat, the day seemed to fly by.

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  3. Have a great time at the conference. I admit right away that I don't know what it's like to be an adotpive parent (or a parent in general for that matter), but I'm confident that the people you'll b einteracting with there do understand. Via billiant blog posts.

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    1. Thank you for your comment. We had a smashing time.

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  4. Sounds like a very useful conference! Hope to hear how it goes!

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    1. It was very good and I came away with a lot of food for thought, encouragement and hope.

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  5. Empathy has been both a curse and a blessing for me through our adoption journey - and indeed before it. I seem to have a high level of it - or at least the ability to put myself into other people's shoes and imagine how it must feel to be them. It is a great thing to have but also at times can be a real pain when I need to deal objectively with a student. However it does give me a little bit of understanding & indeed compassion at times.

    Great to meet you yesterday - as I said to your other half - and you on Twitter - that BBc documentary was the start of my personal journey.

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    1. A long time ago we hoped that we would inspire. It is amazing, and a privilege, to think that we played a small part in your journey. Twas great to meet.

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  6. I can now hear your voice as I read this, like a personal podcast, as we discussed. Empathy has for me, also been hard to find, especially from the professionals I've worked with. The conference has definitely given me more confidence to expect and seek empathy from those that we surround ourselves with. It is in fact all part of #TakingCare. Lovely to meet you and Mrs C. x

    Thanks for linking with #WASO

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  7. I was great to chat to you and hear your story first hand. Thank you for your ongoing support.

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  8. I'll admit straight away that empathy is not something that comes naturally to me at all! I have to be very mindful about it, and fail often. I am grateful to those who share their stories freely and honestly for helping me along in my quest :-)

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  9. As I get older it gets easier, I can't begin to tell you how callous I was as a youth. I go cold at some of the things I said and did.

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  10. Empathy is so important, being a sensitive soul I have always truly empathised with others, hope to instill and nurture this in my own kids. Thanks for linking up

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